My plan was to simply start watching my calories. How I accidently got back on PSMF will confuse me for days to come. Today is actually Day 5.  I think I haven’t been writing about it because I don’t want to think about it THAT much, even though thats all I CAN think about really. This isnt amusing at ALL. I’m assuming at some point I’m going to reach this point of Zen. I dont know WHEN it’ll happen but i’m hoping for it. I feel like this time around was harder than last time. According to the scale this morning I 214.8. Yeah. Thats almost 10 pounds in 5 days. Obviously water, the emptying of my intestines, and maybe a little fat.

I can’t say how long Im gonna keep it this strict. Im trying not to say “I have to do it for THIS long.” because i think that’ll freak me out. I’m trying to get through each day. I’ve been exercising which is kicking my ass. I recognize a slight fogginess in my thought process which isnt helpful. But tomorrow is the magic day. If i get through day 6 that means i’ve done more than i did before. But also tomorrow is a running day.

In a perfect world id keep this up until Jan 27th. I don’t think i CAN do it that long, but it’d be awesome if i could. I’m fairly sure id drop down under 207, which i was very happy about last time i was there.

And that, is exactly what happened.

After my last 211 weigh in I was able to get even lower. I was able to drop down to, at my lowest, 202. I saw the scale say it. Admittedly I was probably dehydrated, no food in my intestines, and about to have faint, BUT DAMN IT IT SAID 202. With the encouragement (Yes, I am easily manipulated) of friends and family (Everyone decided i was too thin) I went back to my old ways. And over the next 6 months or so I have managed to regress quite a bit. Thankfully I am not close to where I started (I was 252 point something or other, but that was also after a few days of dieting. Im pretty sure i was close to 260) and currently I am back to 224.

At first I thought it was acceptable.

As I said, I was told I looked too skinny. As you can see from the picture on the right I WAS quite smaller than I had been. My mom literally expressed concerned for me.  A friend said I had a lolli pop look about me. And did I mention I was hungry? I was tired of being good and constantly on top of my diet and getting my ass out there to exercise. I just wanted to go eat, drink and be merry with no constraints. And that folks, is what I did for the better part of 6 Months. I would go back to the Low Carb/Diet life for a week here, few days there, but I would inevitably go BACK to all of the bad habits that got me to 260 in the first place. Funny enough, I think I forgot WHY I was trying to lose weight. I wasn’t thinking about all of the health problems my mom has and the fact that I was right on track to experiencing everything she went through, plus perhaps, a bit extra. It became more about how my friends responded to my new frame. What clothing I could put on that I couldn’t dream of before. I was trying to be a model as opposed to healthy Elon.

And now here I am. January 6th, 2010. 224 Pounds.

I haven’t actually said out loud how much I gained because I didn’t want to acknowledge my failing. I was still much smaller than everyone remembered me being so I’ve sorta rode this out silently. But reality has in fact set in again. My mother continues to have health issues due to complications with her diabetes and for a few days I wasn’t feeling well at all and I thought perhaps my Blood Glucose was elevated.  Upon testing it I found that i was actually not that high. I wasn’t within normal range but i was no where near as high as what my body was telling me i felt. Which, I found…strange…

I did some research and I came across the guidelines for Diabetes. I had never been to a Dr. specifically for my Diabetes. I worked in a hospital, and felt sick one day, and my mom tested my Glucose and it was sky high (Her meter actually just said “High” and then the her friends down in the nursing station tested it and it said “High” again. At this point it was a far gone conclusion that I must be diabetic.

But with my recent testing of my blood glucose levels it didn’t add up. A non-medicated, non-exercising diabetic should have had higher readings, i thought. So I continued researching and found the way that Diabetes is actually diagnosed is through 2 tests. A fasting glucose reading and a 2 hour glucose tolerance test. you have your blood glucose levels tested after ingesting 75 grams of Glucose (i.e. 1/3rd cup of sugar i.e. a little more than a 20 oz Coke…i’m not kidding) If you fall under 180 (some say 200) on the test you are NOT diabetic. You are Pre-Diabetic (theres 2 forms of pre-diabetes but I dont remember the acronyms right now) and those 2 forms can be dealt with way easier than ACTUAL diabetes. You can push off diabetes for YEARS.

After doing the tests myself (I have a glucose  meter and I have access to medical grade 1/3rd cup of sugar) I found that i am in FACT pre-diabetic. I believe my smaller frame adds to that cause. Perhaps really fat Elon would have failed that test. Slightly Chubby Elon falls under the line. Upon further reading it says that if you dropped 7 to 10 percent of your body weight you would be in even BETTER shape to deal with this crap. (Read: If perhaps I was still at my lowest weight since I lost weight, I’d be in BETTER shape to deal) and all of a sudden, my focus returned.

My Mom is a living, breathing, 20 years older version of me (we look alike in all honesty) and I watch her suffer a lot. I can’t sign up for that. I’d rather just not be alive than go through the surgeries and the complications and all of the terrible things that seem to all stem from Type 2 Diabetes, which although hereditary, still controllable and preventable. So I’ve cut the blog back on. I’m on my 2nd day back on the Low Carb wagon. I’m in my exercise gear ready to go for a 5 mile run/jog/walk/some sort of movement. I’m trying to remember the focus i had on this very blog 7, 8 months ago.

If motivation is what keeps this blog updated. I think I have it. Lets see how it goes shall well we?

In the past 3 weeks I’ve had at least 1 to 2 days each week where I broke my own golden carb rule. I personally have tried to stay in the 20 gram a day carb range. Some say that’s very strict. I say it works for me. I know that I may go above it but when I shoot for that I don’t over shoot it by far. If I were to go for 70 grams then I might end up at 100. But as of late out of pure psychological need, I’ve been stepping out of that range.

Once it was for a party. I didn’t HAVE to, but I wanted to just enjoy everything like everyone else. Strange thing happened though. After having a few beers, a few vodka based drinks (still used diet soda) and a bit of everything at the party, I was STILL in ketosis the next day! When I came home that night my Glucose levels where under 100.  I didn’t even understand how that happened. The Sunday after THAT I ended up going out with my g/f for dinner. I had an especially carbilicious meal THEN added a dessert to the mix!

That, my body wasn’t amused by.

I had an elevated glucose level for at least 3 days after. Nothing crazy (around 121) , but higher than what I have been having all this time. Even my ketosis was somewhere from seeming really light to non-existent on the strips. I decided that since I had been eating carbs and probably had a high calorie intake anyway, I might as well take this time to try and up my metabolism. I started eating above my regular caloric intake but kept it low carb in an effort to minimize any weight gain.

I failed. To an extent.

I didn’t realize how much food I carry in my gut. I’d argue i carry somewhere from 4 to 6  pounds of food in my intestines.  This is very annoying.  After the PSMF I was sorta cleared out so it felt like I was taking a step backwards once I really started eating alot. But all of my clothing that I just purchased-so much smaller than my other stuff- still fits perfectly so I knew I didn’t all of a sudden put on  extra fat.  So I am a bit heavier now but the same size visually which still is strange to me.

Strange and messes with my HEAD man. I’ve been particularly annoyed at the scale. Its just floating between 208 and 211. That is terribly disheartening. Now, yes I did loose over 40 pounds in 4 months so I can’t freak out THAT much, but it doesn’t feel any better. A non-moving scale is a non-moving scale.

So today the G/f comes back from out of town and I decide that I’m going to eat whatever I want since the scale isn’t moving ANY way. We go out to dinner and I do eat foods with carbs. I even enjoy a beer. I then felt so guilty I decided to go for a 5 mile walk afterwards. I come home and strangely enough hours after I ate, my ketosis is STILL going. My Glucose level was at 106 too. WITH BEER AND MAC & CHEESE. I’m thinking maybe I need to re-evaluate how I go about things.

It seems that I can handle a lot more carbs than I think i can. My issues aren’t with the “carbs” themselves. It’s my bodies reaction. Maybe some carbs hit me harder than others. I can eat some potato but not ice cream. I need to figure this out. NOT because I want to chow down on bunches-o-carbs, but If I can figure out what I can eat, then when under stressful circumstances (Like at a wedding. I have one this weekend) I know how to play the game with out blowing it all to hell.

That’s what it seems like huh?

I write a post proclaiming thinness or some variation thereof and I then disappear off the face of the earth. I didn’t actually, I’ve just been slightly overwhelmed over at another blog.  Oh but the plight of the Carb Allergy continues.  I’ve recently run into the strangest problem now. I think, it might just be possible, but I think I’m eating TOO little. 

Who knew that one day I’d go from being confused on how to eat LESS to having an issue getting ENOUGH calories? It’s crazy really. I realized that even while rocking salads, steaks and bacon I arrived some where around 1400 calories for the day! For my frame I should be way higher. I now find myself searching for stuff to eat to up my daily caloric intake. I’m adding cheeses and eating more times a day. I’m someone who can comfortably eat one or 2 meals a day. Now I’m just going in the fridge over and over. 

I have a fear people. 

With my smaller frame my insulin resistance has changed. I like the idea of possibly, just possibly having a vacation where I might enjoy all foods. But I don’t want to gain 5 pounds because my metabolism is shot. I need to be burning at optimal…er…ness.  If I’m supposed to be burning 2400 calories a day I’d like to ACTUALLY be doing that.  So I’m taking a week or 2  and really up my cals while keeping low carb.

Theoretically, I shouldn’t even have a real weight shift (except for the extra weight in my gut. I can only get rid of it but so fast!) because I should maintain my ketogenic state – which theoretically would keep me from storing fat – which theoretically would allow me to ramp up my metabolism with no ill effects.

Have I said theorhetically? Because I really mean it.

So I’ll be checking in as I attempt the speed up. I’ll be coming up with all sorts of incredibly high caloric bombs that leave my insulin alone. Lets see if this works…

I’m at a hard plateau. Like haaaard.  I float somewhere around 208 and 211. My body is not trying to drop any more weight than I’ve already done.  Being down 45 pounds seems to make my body hold every ounce of anything it can.  But I’ve been still very much set on the idea of getting down to 190. I even planned to have a 190 party! That’s right, a party to celebrate the awesome that is smaller Elon. (I probably won’t do this anymore but the idea of a day o’ eating and drinking sounded fun!) But I’m starting re-think the whole idea.

For memorial day the G/F and I threw an indoor BBQ and I decided that it would be ridiculous for me to keep my stringent ways on a day that I’m feeding everyone in my home burgers, Mac and cheese and other things that I would normally not allow myself.  So I decided to partake in the awesome and at some point someone took some video of me and my best friend(I can’t SHARE this video because there’s been drinking and really? Who needs to see drunk EJW?) He weighs 176 and I’m sorta jealous. He seems to have no problem keeping that weight.  But here’s the thing: In the video? We look the SAME SIZE.

I literally looked at it 6 or 7 times to make sure I wasn’t nuts. We can’t be about the same size because I outweigh him by 30 pounds. But not only did I notice it, OTHER people have noticed it. He said himself we can swap clothing! How can this be? I know I have more muscle mass than him, but for Christ’s sake 30 pounds?

So as I sit here today, very much back to my full fledge low carb lifestyle I wonder about my weight loss goals. I’m within the body fat range that’s considered normal for men (24.4%. I really don’t believe it) I’m visibly the same size as my 30 pound lighter friend. Should I be still working so hard to drop the final 18 pounds?  I don’t know. I thought 200 pounds was gonna be my safety weight.  If I get to 200 I get strict. I don’t know how to do this at this size. 220 can’t be my safety weight. That’s crazy talk. But I can easily fluctuate 5 to 8 pounds in water sometimes. At this weight I’m too close to fat!

Or perhaps I’m crazy.

Maybe I should be looking at how I look as opposed to the stupid number that my digital scale throws at me. Perhaps the battle I was fighting has already been won? Victory isn’t 190 but just a slimmer healthier me? I’ve trained myself in a new way of eating and I’m happy about it (had a steak for dinner last night because…well…steak is awesome. Don’t need a plate of French fries.) Is the weight loss battle over?  Should I just be working out to be a more sexy EJW? (My g/f does not need a more sexy EJW. I’d literally be doing it so that I could check myself out in the mirror and go “yeah baby”.)

I don’t know.

So there you have it. I think the low carb lifestyle has given me what I wanted and now I have to figure out how to accept it. The battle feels like its just starting really. People are much more tolerant of a fat man saying he doesn’t eat something. But when you seem to be thin they call you crazy. Can I tell you how weird it is that I’ve heard people use the term thin to describe me as of late? I feel like I’ve learned the ultimate form of deception. I’m so good at it that people who are staring directly at me THINK I’m thin but I’m really not.  I have the mind of a fatman.

But I have the blood glucose level of a thin one .

Well, my lbrain was fried.

I didn’t realize how hard it is to commit to the whole process. For me it was even harder because I had been asked to be the chef for an event a friend of mine was having and that event was, in fact, NOT a PSMF event. Nor was it Low Carb. I was in full cooking mode and yet I couldn’t eat any of it. It was hard.

I had never been so happy to Low Carb in my LIFE after I finished those 6 days. Actually, I didn’t do 6. I did 5. On day 6 I was mentally broken like a prisoner of war. I would’ve answered anything anyone asked me. Fact is, I was doing a much harsher version of PSMF than most places suggest and they say THAT is hard.

Of course 4 days after it I was up 3 pounds. I started eating  just any and everything that qualified as low carb. I wanted to put the theory of  “If you’re in Ketosis you will have a very hard time gaining weight” to the test. I taught myself how to make Beef Braciole. Its just beef stuffed with cheese and more meat. Its ridiculous.

I ate it for like 3 days straight.

Then add smoked salmon (I love it) and Rib Eye steaks into the mix. Oh! I also started wrapping any and everything in bacon. Chicken, Shrimp, Scallops. I ate, and LOVED it. So then right around 216 (I was a steady 211.8 for the last 3 days of PSMF) I decided maybe I’ve gone nuts and started my weight gain, so I needed to put some brakes on this train. I decided to do a fasting day to get myself back on the horse.

Day after fasting weight? 210.8.

Woah! What? What now? How is that possible? I actually lost weight?  After that deluge of food?  And my bodyfat has been hovering between 24 and 25? I don’t know if  I should give the PSMF any credit but it made me reconsider the torture that I went through.  I dropped 2 percent bodyfat during 5 days that seems to be staying off and that is amazing.

So I decided to try it one more time.  Currently I’m on day 3 of my new PSMF cycle.  I don’t know if I’ll go past today since, as I’ve said over and over, This be torture. But this morning I was somewhere around 208. If  switching up things with my body works then I’m about it.  I’ll try to do the week on/week off thing. Staying low carb on the week off I think has a very good effect on this. It ramps up the metabolism while not allowing me to store fat since im continually in ketosis. I may pick up a bit of water from sodium intake rising but it seems that’s easily flushed.

So lets see how it goes. I’m not updating my weight on the sidebar here until I quit this round of PSMF. But I’ll say this. Being within 18 pounds of goal is an amazing feeling. I don’t think “I” believed I would get here.

PSMF DAY 6 stats

Weight: 211.8
Fat Percentage: 25.5 

Yeeeeeah, I think I’m done.

This morning I woke up and I knew, I just KNEW that there would be some sort of change on the scale.  For the last 3 days I’ve been really stringent, and I’ve exorcised and I’ve ingested virtually zero grabs of fat carbs.  My ketostix are a purple that only happens when I’m eating incredibly fatty foods. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do and on the 3rd day in a row I’m at the same weight. Not even like .8 down.  A .5 would have helped. Just show me something to let me know that what I’m doing has more benefit that giving me something to blog about every morning.

I won’t lie to you.  By last night I wasn’t feeling too hot. After a full day of being active, I was cooking for a party, had done weight training and my feet still hurt from that 8.5 mile walk I did a few days ago. I think I made the decision last night way before I ever stepped onto the scale this morning. Basically when I got on the scale it was to make it show me WHY I should stay on this.

It didn’t. 

Now someone commented and left me a link to Lyle McDonalds post about how  weight loss isn’t continuous and it has moments of nothing, then more nothing, then boom. 4 pounds. I know that my body must be freaking out and is trying to retain what it can. All of this does not counter balance my feeling crappy and nothing seeing some sort of movement on the scale. 

Maybe I just need one of those refeeds they speak of so much.  I have enough fat that I figured that I could go 2 weeks with out a break. And yes, I DO see that it says my fat percentage is down again. But I seriously just don’t understand what that means. It’s impossible. I’m the same weight. according to that Ive gained 2 or 3 pounds of muscle and lost 2 or 3 pounds of fat in an exact ratio. If I follow this  supposed fat loss rate I just need 15 more days on this thing and I’ll have a 6 pack. I’ll be the exact same weight, but magically i’ll gain something like 20 pounds of muscle. 

I’m not completely done with the concept of PSMF.  Fact is I’ve done it before but didn’t KNOW I was doing it. Just did it for a few days to clear some sodium out of my system.  I know it works great for that (see the 5 pounds I lost in a day.) I’m going back to my regular Low Carbing. I plan to keep my protein high though. Maybe in another 2 weeks I’ll attempt another week of this.  I might even play with a little intermittant fasting (i did THAT too before) but I’m fairly sure my PSMFing for now is DONE.

And I almost cut my g/f last night.  This thing was NOT helping my mood even a little bit.

PSMF Day 5 Stats: 

Weight: 211.8
Fat Percentage: 26.2

I’m not sure how I feel about this yet…

I mean its completely reasonable that your body wouldn’t drop super noticibly daily. I get that. I also messed up a bit yesterday by intaking way too much sodium (I hadn’t gotten a chance to get home for a protein shake and ate packaged turkey which had 650 mg’s of sodium per serving. I, having had 200 calories for the day ate the entire package of 4 servings. 10 grams of protein per serving AND only 60 cals per serving) so I’m aware I could have a little water weight on me. It would be completely unfare since I did nothing but flonkin DRINK WATER all day, but I did end my water day with a sodium turkey splurge.

But according the stupid body fat thingy on the scale, I went down in my fat percentage. How is that POSSIBLE? It gave me a 26.2 reading I just did the calculations with the exact numbers (more decimals and crap) and according to THAT, I lost 1.48 ponds of FAT. But The scale didn’t move. I checked multiple times. So I somehow gained 1.48 pounds of muscle? On about 500 calories yesterday?  WTF?

All sorts of things aren’t adding up. Did i mention I walked around, I dunno, 8 miles yesterday? Decided I should get a little exercise in. I also didn’t take well to the turkey (or so my stomach gurgling told me) and lets say after walking that 8 miles my body evacuated all that turkey out of a rear exit soon as I arrived home. I was sure THAT, plus the sweating while walking would have to mess wtih my water. I was trying to replace any fluids lost but I was tired and on 500 calories at the time so I might’ve not been thinking straight.

Seriously. I don’t understand this.

Do I use weights? Yes. I’m trying to keep as much muscle mass as possible, but I was not trying to gain anything because, well, theoretically its impossible. Lean muscle mass gains on severly limited calories are not supposed to happen. So agian I say, WTF?

Okay. I’m going to stop obsessing over what just MIGHT be a fluke on the scale. It doesn’t make sense to me and I assume in a day or 5  I’ll understand what’s going on. Until then I’ll just stare at hese stats googling the shit out of various terms in hopes of explaining it.

Day 5. No one has been cut. Except my pinky toes. Walking 8 miles in bad shoes? Not so good for them.

Really, really, really want a burger with cheese though. Some bacon too. Who knew I’d dream of my low carb diet after a few days on this confounded PSMF?

PSMF DAY 4 Stats

Weight: 211.8
Fat Percentage: 26.9 

I’ll say this much.  I am NOT that chipper anymore.  Admittedly I haven’t even had my EC stack which throws a little caffiene my way which makes me more tolerable in general but overall? Just not that chipper. Amazingly enough, I’m also not that hungry. I can’t explain that. I’m assuming my metabolism has slowed down to compensate for the lack of virtually anything in my system thereby easing hunger pains. 

It is only 8:35am though.

 I was really excited after a friend of mine had decided to jump on PSMF with me. I felt like I had someone to talk to and who was feeling my pain! Then yesterday he finally told me his fat percentage which was within normal range (right on the edge) but for him to reach his goal of 6 pack abs he’d have to drop down to about 144 pounds. 

He’s 5′9 and 3/4’s (He corrects me if I just say 5′9.)

I immediately told him exit the program. It’s not for him.  Yeah he COULD drop some extra fat but I couldn’t in good concience tell him he should fight his way down to 144.  He needs to get his lean muscle mass perhaps up to 144. Then we can talk again. As much as my g/f likes to think I’m crazy. My actions are based in deep logic. If I think something is just unhealthy then I won’t do it. I’m not trying to get myself or anyone else ill. 

So today wasn’t a “WHOA!” day on the scale.  Although Keeping a lovely percentage of lean mass while a nice dollop of fat dropped off me was nice. I don’t get too excited about these things because they say that this machines are all best guesses. Yes, I HAVE been going by it but I do grade it with a grain of salt. Do I wan’t it to go down? Absolutely.  But at the same time I’m sorta “Eh.” about it. I am happy that i used to be 31 percent when I was bigger and now I’m down to 26.9. I mean YES, that is virtually just 27 but I like the .9 part. Makes me feel like I’m moving forward!

So I’m here on Day 4. 21.8 pounds from goal.  I normally write I haven’t cut anybody, but I think that I could be on the edge today.