I’m thin?
So I’m slightly confused.
I’m at a hard plateau. Like haaaard. I float somewhere around 208 and 211. My body is not trying to drop any more weight than I’ve already done. Being down 45 pounds seems to make my body hold every ounce of anything it can. But I’ve been still very much set on the idea of getting down to 190. I even planned to have a 190 party! That’s right, a party to celebrate the awesome that is smaller Elon. (I probably won’t do this anymore but the idea of a day o’ eating and drinking sounded fun!) But I’m starting re-think the whole idea.
For memorial day the G/F and I threw an indoor BBQ and I decided that it would be ridiculous for me to keep my stringent ways on a day that I’m feeding everyone in my home burgers, Mac and cheese and other things that I would normally not allow myself. So I decided to partake in the awesome and at some point someone took some video of me and my best friend(I can’t SHARE this video because there’s been drinking and really? Who needs to see drunk EJW?) He weighs 176 and I’m sorta jealous. He seems to have no problem keeping that weight. But here’s the thing: In the video? We look the SAME SIZE.
I literally looked at it 6 or 7 times to make sure I wasn’t nuts. We can’t be about the same size because I outweigh him by 30 pounds. But not only did I notice it, OTHER people have noticed it. He said himself we can swap clothing! How can this be? I know I have more muscle mass than him, but for Christ’s sake 30 pounds?
So as I sit here today, very much back to my full fledge low carb lifestyle I wonder about my weight loss goals. I’m within the body fat range that’s considered normal for men (24.4%. I really don’t believe it) I’m visibly the same size as my 30 pound lighter friend. Should I be still working so hard to drop the final 18 pounds? I don’t know. I thought 200 pounds was gonna be my safety weight. If I get to 200 I get strict. I don’t know how to do this at this size. 220 can’t be my safety weight. That’s crazy talk. But I can easily fluctuate 5 to 8 pounds in water sometimes. At this weight I’m too close to fat!
Or perhaps I’m crazy.
Maybe I should be looking at how I look as opposed to the stupid number that my digital scale throws at me. Perhaps the battle I was fighting has already been won? Victory isn’t 190 but just a slimmer healthier me? I’ve trained myself in a new way of eating and I’m happy about it (had a steak for dinner last night because…well…steak is awesome. Don’t need a plate of French fries.) Is the weight loss battle over? Should I just be working out to be a more sexy EJW? (My g/f does not need a more sexy EJW. I’d literally be doing it so that I could check myself out in the mirror and go “yeah baby”.)
I don’t know.
So there you have it. I think the low carb lifestyle has given me what I wanted and now I have to figure out how to accept it. The battle feels like its just starting really. People are much more tolerant of a fat man saying he doesn’t eat something. But when you seem to be thin they call you crazy. Can I tell you how weird it is that I’ve heard people use the term thin to describe me as of late? I feel like I’ve learned the ultimate form of deception. I’m so good at it that people who are staring directly at me THINK I’m thin but I’m really not. I have the mind of a fatman.
But I have the blood glucose level of a thin one 
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